Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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