Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Small penises have feelings too.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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