my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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