i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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