Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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