We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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