..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
