wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
4 words: hood of his car
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
