Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
