Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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