if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Hippo gnu deer
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
