I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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