she looked like the bat from fern gully.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
