If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
