I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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