What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
