i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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