At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
