Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
