After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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