Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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