i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
