He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
