I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
