My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
