she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
