Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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