Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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