just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
