I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
