The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
