i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
