Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
