Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
