Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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