I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
