i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
