i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
