My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Non-Jews are for practice
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
