One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
