me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
