It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Houston, we have a squirter
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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