meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
