My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
