I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
