You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
