And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
