Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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