i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
