the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Randomize
