loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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