They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
How external is "for external use only"?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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