Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
